I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
