There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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