I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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