That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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