Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
