Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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