I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
