I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
