i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
