Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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