it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
