You made me cry and you don't even care
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
