Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
