i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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