Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
