I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
COCAINE IS GR8
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
