I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
