I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
