Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
