I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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