Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I touched a dick in church today
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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