Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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