I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
