hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
