dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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