Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
