I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
