I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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