"it" just moved
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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