I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
