Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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