i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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