Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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