its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
