Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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