You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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