I love black thongs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
