I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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