You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
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Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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