i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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