Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
