Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
