Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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