Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
