he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
