i don't like sucking hair
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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