he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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