I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
