I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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