Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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