is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
