Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
