I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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