maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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