Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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