Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
