Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
