FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize