I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am one with the molecules
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
