i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
