maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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