anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
