When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
