hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
