Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
