we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
