The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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