Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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