that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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