I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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