she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
