You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
