if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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