Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
